


To what Was, and What could of Been

by Apricots_from_Nara



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet Ending, Comatose Zarkon, Dreams, F/M, Implied Sexual Content, Wishful Thinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-16
Updated: 2017-09-16
Packaged: 2018-12-30 13:00:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12109239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Apricots_from_Nara/pseuds/Apricots_from_Nara
Summary: This was not his empire, and it was certainly not his life. But when Zarkon wakens in bed with Honerva, his past changing before his eyes for the better, he soon realizes he never wants to go back to what was.Not without her.





	To what Was, and What could of Been

Birds were chirping.

Zarkon’s brows furrowed. There were no birds on his ship. On any of his ships, unless it was a pet of a commander. His ears twitched and he took stock of where he was before he opened his eyes.

He was in a bed. Silk sheets on his skin. That was not completely out of the ordinary. He had a bed, he slept. The sheets were silk.

Where was he before this?

His suit, the one Haggar made for him. He was fighting the new paladins and Voltron... he had lost.

His eyes opened then, and he was not met with what he thought he would.

A tall canopy of red silk draped above him, sunlight streaming from somewhere. He was not in his bed upon his ship, recovering as he thought. Not at all.

He sat up and was not sore. The sheets pooled around his waist and he looked outside.

Rusty red skies and rugged red mountains.

He blinked, and moved to stand and look closer. He stiffened as heard a small yawn by his side.

“Hmmm. Zarkon? You’re still here?”

His stomach twisted, and his throat grew tight. Honerva was laying beside him, rubbing her eyes sleepily.

“Honerva?” That was not his voice... Was it?

She chuckled.”Who else would be in bed with you?” She sat up, frowning, “You look like you’ve seen a ghost, are you okay?”

He touched her carefully, and she was real. Skin warm, hair soft and that lovely light purple. He had not seen his wife like this in so long. “This is a dream...”

She tilted her head closer to his palm. She smirked playfully before reaching up and pinching some of the skin on his pectoral muscle, twisting hard.

“Ow!” He jerked away from her, glaring, he reached up and grabbed some skin on one of her breasts, doing the same, abet not quite so hard. Honerva yelped and then laughed, pushing him away from her.

“Hmm, you seem awake to me.” She tucked her hair behind her ear. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.”

He wasn’t. This... He was either dead, or dreaming. Was he unconscious perhaps? The destruction of his craft would of left him seriously injured. So perhaps this was something a coma was creating. He was living in his memories of the past.

He had to waken. He had an empire to rule, and he didn’t wish to relive it all.

“I would think you would be up early. Alfor is coming to visit today and check our progress, remember? He’s been away a while to tend to Falla.”

“She’s pregnant.” Zarkon said, remembering.

“Was. She had Allura already.” She pressed her hand to his forehead, frowning. “Are you sure you’re okay? You already know this. You saw her as they landed. We have a helmet for her.”

“Of course. I’m fine.” Zarkon leaned down, eager to kiss her. If there was one thing he would take advantage of in this dream before he found a way to awaken, it was this. To be like this again. He loved Haggar. She was powerful and beautiful despite the many changes her body had gone through. She was loyal and served him well, and cared for him in that strange way hers.

But she was not Honerva. She was no longer the woman he gave everything up for to save.

Honerva laughed softly, kissing him back. “Go and get ready, Alfor is probably already here.”

Zarkon found himself not angered by the mention of Alfor’s name, though he still had no desire to see him. The thought of getting Alfor to help him awaken entered his head, but he ignored it. He would not ask for his help. He would keep Alfor at arms length. 

He left his bed after a few more kisses to Honerva. On her ears, which made her snort and giggle, and her eyes and cheeks. He went to don his armor, and caught himself in the mirror.

He was young. No scar, no sunken face. He had not seen this face in millennia. He touched his cheek, pulling his lower lid down to examine his now normal red eyes.

“Seeing as you keep putting Alfor off, I can have breakfast brought up to us? Then you will have a reason for it.” Honerva asked from the bed. She was perched on the edge now. Kova, who was greying around his eyes, curling by her side. He watched she picked him up, holding up below his arms. Kova meowed, suddenly looking much longer.

Cats were so odd.

“That sounds good.” he said, realizing he was hungry, “Honerva...”

“Yes?” She looked over to him, the sun making her tan skin glow beautifully. How he missed that sight.

“Call someone who knows about cats. Kova looks a little worse for wear. He might be getting sick.”

Honerva’s eyes widened. “You think?” She looked back to Kova, Turning him around in her hands. Kova meowed again. “He is a little thin... Alright. I can ask Alfor to send someone over.”

Zarkon did not know why he did that as in the end Kova would be fine. But he remembered how upset Honerva had been. It had been treatable, but they had caught it to late for the old cat to handle treatment.

It was a superficial thing, but if it would avoid her getting sad while he was here, he would be fine. It wasn’t like this would change the future. The past was the past.

And this was only a memory

\-----

Alfor was sitting in the dining hall, drink in hand. He smiled as Zarkon walked in, and Zarkon had to stop and compose himself. So many memories, at the for most of his mind was when Zarkon sliced his bayard into the Altean’s chest.

“There you are. You certainly kept me waiting.” Alfor stood and pat Zarkon’s arm, and Zarkon resisted the urge to hit him, “Spending time with Honerva I bet.”

Maybe because it was a dream, but Zarkon found himself flowing into a casual and friendly conversation. At first he loathed it, doing his best to not get friendly, but the way Alfor laughed, smiled... Seeing him young again....

He couldn't deny that Alfor was in this moment, a friend. A long lost friend.

Alfor was currently talking about his daughter. “Your going to love her. She’s so cute.” Alfor lead the way, walking faster then him for once. “She’s with Falla by the fountain.”

It was playing out similarly as it had, yet different. He walked in, seeing the queen, not long before her illness and death, little Allura wrapped in a blanket and on her knee. Alfor took his seat next to them, moving his daughter to his lap

“Zarkon I want you to meet Princess Allura.” The princess looked at him, and he could recall the last he had seen Allura. The day she had been captured at the depot. She had grown to look just like her mother, her eyes filled with hatred.

Now they were big, blue, and utterly curious.

“I had a gift for her...” he found himself saying, “But I don’t think it would be suited for her.”

“I’m sure she would love anything you gave her.” Alfor said, laughing, “Why? what is it?”

“... A traditional gift for a new child. An old ceremonial helmet. As I said, its not something she would like. I could have a doll made.”

Why did he care? Why?

“How about you give her the helmet, and later you and I can figure out on a doll.” Falla suggested, “She’s a little picky-”

“Like you.” Alfor added in quickly, and Falla slapped his arm.

Zarkon nodded, motioning to the servants. They left quickly, and just as quickly came back with the gift. “I was not sure how big her head would be, but she should grow into it soon enough. Here, Princess Allura, in honor of your birth.”

Falla opened it, placing the helmet onto Allura’s head. To big, just as he remembered. And the princess was just as confused.

“See? She loves it.” Alfor stated, moving Allura back into her mother’s arms, “Don’t worry, you’ll figure out what children like when you have one of your own.”

“I doubt it.” Zarkon said with bitterness, memories of Lotor filling his head. He noted Alfor’s confusion and did his best to distract him.

“Forget it. Lets go to the lab. Honerva should be there by now.”

“Of course.” Alfor stood, kissing Falla goodbye, and following him. 

“Zarkon, you sounded so sure you would be a bad father.” Alfor pushed him playfully, “I think you would be a wonderful parent.”

“And you have never been wrong?” Zarkon asked with a hiss.

“I meant no disrespect. In fact I find it hard to find a way to take it badly.” Alfor moved to block Zarkon’s way, “Are you alright? You don’t quite seem all here today. You were late, you’re never late. Not even to spend more time to Honerva.”

Alfor chuckled. “She’s really softened you up, hasn’t she?”

Zarkon found himself chuckling, patting Alfor’s shoulder. “Maybe.”

\----

“Honerva, working hard as always I see.” Alfor approached her, the woman already at her console, “Many thanks for the gift. Allura loved it, though Zarkon insists on getting her a doll too. He’s going to spoil her rotten I bet.”

Honerva did not do as she had all those years ago, this time turning to him. “Are you sure he will, and not you?”

“Both of us then.” Alfor laughed, “I can just see it. She will call him Uncle Zarkon and demand she ride on his back like a horse.”

This was so much more happy, friendly. Could just telling Hoenrva to get a vet for Kova have changed that much? Or maybe his mind was making things better. A dream world where everything went right?

“I need a vet for Kova. Zarkon said he looked unwell.”

“Yes of course, not many altean cats on Daibazaal. I’ll send for one as soon as we finished looking at the experiment.” Zarkon watched as they both moved to the engine, Alfor in awe that it still was running.

And Zarkon made notice that a key component was missing.

“Honerva... Wasn’t there a creature, that came out of the rift?” Zarkon stood where the tank had been, but now there was nothing there, save for a table with Kova sitting on it.

She blinked, turning to look at him. “What?”

Alfor frowned. “We must exercise caution Honerva, we can’t-”

“I assure you my husband is mistaken. There is no creature. I sent some signals into the rift, but nothing happened.” Honerva said angrily, looking at Zarkon, “What would make you think such a thing up?”

“I.... I am mistaken then. I am sorry.” he looked away from her, her glare was not something he wanted to be on the receiving end of. he looked to the rift.

Any moment, it would come out. Any moment. Alfor and Honerva went back to chatting, and Zarkon waited.

Nothing happened. No monster, to crisis. Was the rift empty then? He was not living in his memories at all. He was dreaming something new... Something better.

He almost didn’t want to wake.

“By the way, Zarkon, I want you and Honerva to come back to Altea with me. The meteor made something quite interesting. The others will be coming too.”

Zarkon’s stomach lurched, and he turned quickly. 

Voltron.

“Of course.” Zarkon nodded, “I’m curious to see what was created.”

“But, my research!” Honerva turned to glare at him again, pouting as Zarkon put his finger over her lips.

“A vacation would be good for you, Honerva.” Zarkon said gently, “Plus we can take Kova with us and he can get looked at.”

She narrowed her eyes at him, but finally she huffed and nodded.

\-----

“By willow...”

Zarkon had to agree Gyrgan. Every time he saw them, even when in the hands of Allura and her new paladins, the Lions were a sight to behold, the Black Lion especially.

He would get to pilot her again. His palms were sweating at the thought of it.

He ignored Alfor entirely as he walked towards them, his neck straining as he tilted it back more an more.

“Zarkon, what are you doing?” Alfor grabbed his arm and pulled him back, “I need to explain things to you first.”

He had no time to hear a conversation he already knew. “You made them from the metal of the Meteor. Seeing as its infused with quintessence, they are infinitely powered, yes?”

Alfor blinked, then laughed. “Honerva is making you smarter too. Yes Exactly. I’m not sure what they can do but, we won’t have to worry about powering them and they are nearly indestructible.”

“You probably had a speech and everything.” Trigel chuckled, “So who gets which Lion?”

“Well... They will choose you. The red one chose me, so I figure it will be the same for all of you.” Alfor let his arm go, and Zarkon continued on his way to the Black Lion.

“So they are alive in way?” Blaytz asked, meandering over to the blue one, his smirk faded as he locked eyes with it.

“Well yes but I think we should study them more...” Alfor quickly followed Zarkon, “Zarkon, we really need more time to-”

Zarkon held up his hand, cutting Alfor off. “The Galaxy needs this. Imagine the peace we could bring, the stability.”

He locked eyes with the Black Lion. Waiting... Waiting. For a moment he feared she would reject him but finally he felt it. The voice of his lion, so familiar. His heart raced faster as the eyes of the lion blinked on, and it bowed to him, mouth open, ready for him to board it.

“How about a test flight?” Zarkon asked, and Alfor sputtered as he stepped on.

“I agree with Zarkon!” Blaytz said, his own lion bowing to him, clambering on as well, “Lets see how they handle.”

Zarkon stepped into the cockpit, his hands shaking as he set it on the seat. Ten thousand years. And finally he would feel this again. He sat down, taking the controls in hand.

A long pause, probably longer in his head. Black Lion took much to long to start up, to connect with him. But finally the lion powered on, and he closed his eyes, focusing and seeing through her eyes.

For them it would be the first time, but he knew what she could do. All he needed was his Bayard, and all would be right.

\-----

“Did you have fun?” Honerva was reclining on the guest bed, Kova absent.

“Oh yes.” Zarkon sat down, pulling off his helmet. it felt amazing to be back in his paladin outfit, “How about you?”

Honerva sniffed, rubbing under her nose. “You were right about Kova.”

Zarkon sat on the bed. “Will he be okay?” he took her foot in his hand, give it a tug. Honerva gave a watery smile.

“Yeah. Any later and he would of been to far along and old to handle the treatment. He should be fine.” She wiped her eyes, holding out her hand to him. Zarkon took it and kissed her fingers, still processing how warm she was compared to how she was out there.

“I love you, Honerva.”

Honerva smiled a bit bigger. “I love you too. Now get out of that and lay here with me. All that adrenaline will wear off soon.”

Zarkon obeyed, pealing off his suit, his Bayard placed on the side table. “I’ll take you for a ride in the Black Lion later.”

“Black Lion?”

“Its one of the ships Alfor built from the meteor.” Zarkon rolled his neck, lifting a knee onto the bed. He settled by her side, arm wrapping around her waist as he relaxed. He inhaled deeply, enjoying her scent. 

He lifted his head to look up at her a few minutes later. “Lets try for a child.” He sat up a bit, “I know your work is important but you have decades to discover it all. You said you wanted them.”

Her hand went to his forehead again. “You don’t want me to work on my projects anymore, and you’re so affectionate. Not to mention you’re remembering things that never happened.” She moved to rub his ears, “You're not feverish.... Are you really my husband?”

“I am.” He turned his face into her palm, “I know I want to live my life with you to the fullest.... You never know when something will go wrong.”

Honerva thought a moment, finally smiling. “Alright. Lets try then. How many do you want?”

He didn’t want to push his luck with this fantasy. “One for now. But if you want more after that, I would not be opposed.”

He kissed her, desperately, large hands grasping the back of her head. Honerva matched his kiss, pulling him to lay upon her.

Her breasts, her skin, her wonderful thighs wrapping around his waist. She was warm, and soft, and her eagerness to meet his hips... He had missed her so much. With each kiss, each soft breath, he didn’t want to leave more and more.

And finally Zarkon realized he had all he needed here. He had his lion. He had his wife. He had his life, and real or not, he would live it.

Zarkon had no need for his empire and the waking world.

\------

He had long stopped denying the path this dream world took. He accepted Alfor was again his friend, that the Paladins were his friends. He settled well, and with each passing ‘day’ he forgot a little more.

The only reminder he had was when ever he got in the Black Lion, she would pause, so long, and for a moment he would remember the human Shiro, how he had taken her from him.

But then she would obey, and it would not happen again until the next time.

“Congratulations!” Gyrgan hugged Zarkon tight, and he struggled to breath.

Honerva was pregnant, and they were all drinking to the new heir of the Empire. Alfor shoved him playfully.

“And here I thought you didn’t want to be a parent, what with that snapping.” He drank his wine.

Zarkon chuckled, sipping his own. “How is your wife?” Zarkon asked, eyeing Falla as she sat with little Allura in her lap.

“Are you using your powers of seeing sickness?” Alfor laughed, “Honerva told me you spotted that Kova was unwell. Should I be worried?”

Zarkon looked at Falla again and in his gut he knew that she would be fine. “No. Just wondering if Allura is too much for her.”

“Not at all. Some sleepless nights but when it gets really bad we have the wet nurse take over.” Alfor looked up at Zarkon, “Don’t worry, I will share my great wisdom when it comes to fatherhood.”

Zarkon shoved Alfor this time, the man staggering and spilling his wine. Both of them laughed, their drinks making the moment seem far more comical then it was. “Let me get you a new glass my friend.”

Zarkon left him, moving to grab a new glass, however, his wife distracted him. She ushered him to follow her into the hall, and he could not help but obey, leaning down once they were alone to kiss her.

He pulled away, smiling at her. Honerva smiled back, opening her mouth to speak.

_“Sire.”_

Zarkon turned quickly. The halls, once lit with a warm red glow, were now colder and purple. The halls were narrow and bearing down on him. Twisted mockeries of his palace.

At the end of the hall was Haggar.

“Go away.” he snarled, the woman blinking at his tone.

“You need to wake up from this childish fantasy, sire.” Haggar said calmly, holding out her boney hands, “Your empire-”

“To hell with my empire! Get out of my head!”

The twisted halls shattered, the witch forced from his mind, and he was back in his palace, Honerva taking his hand.

“Dear, are you okay?”

Zarkon turned and held her face in his hands. “I’m fine. You’re here. As long as you are here I am fine.” he kissed her, then held her tight.

_”She isn’t real, sire. Please. You need to waken.”_

Zarkon held Honerva tighter, her arms wrapping around him. “Husband?”

_“Husband?”_

Honerva was wrenched from his hands, or more like she vanished from them. He was in his throne room on his ship, holding air. Blasted Haggar was forcing him into his wretched reality.

He looked at her, rage filling him. “Give her back!”

“There is nothing to give sire. She is not real.”

“She is real! She was! Haggar, give her back!”

He could not go back. He could not stand to be by the shell that was once his wife. Not now that he had experienced months with Honerva again. He loved this pitiful shell, but she in turn did not remember him. He could not hold her. He could not love her. Not in the way he wanted.

“You have me, sire.” Haggar held out her hands again, thin cold fingers touching his arm, “You do not need some fantasy.”

He could not bear it any longer.

“She is not some fantasy I created! She is you!” He swatted Haggar away, “For ten thousand years my wife has stood by my side, but she never knew who she was, and I can not bear that anymore. I would rather die and stay here then be there with out Honerva!”

Haggar looked at him with wide golden eyes, the throne room melting away.

“I am... Honerva?” Haggar touched her face, looked at her hair. She looked to the side, and they were standing in a still of their wedding day. Her look of confusion turned to something like longing as she looked onto what she once was; smiling and happy, in the arms of the man she loved.

She touched her temple like her head hurt, and in her weakness, Zarkon forced her out again.

Now he stood in blackness, his dream shattered. He looked at his hands, no longer those of his youth.

He could build it up again. He could. Zarkon turned, a light in the distance, behind him, his dream. He and Honerva holding an infant Lotor. Lotor admiring him, and he loving Lotor in turn. The possibility of more children. A family. Alfor and the others by his side as his friends, not long dead enemies. Allura seeing him as an uncle and not a monster. The Black Lion... All his. That could of been him. It could still be him.

Haggar’s voice echoed from far away. _"Husband... How could I have forgotten?”_

His hands clenched into fists, and he stepped towards the light, away from his dream. His steps grew faster as Haggar’s voice changed, soft and loving.

_“You brought me back to life long ago... Now come back for me.”_


End file.
